When I was a young lad my parents bought me a Scalextric set for Xmas. I was pleased, and so was my father, and we spent the morning playing with it. More precisely, we spent around 45 minutes of the morning playing with it before one car started smoking and both controllers failed. Rather took the shine off Xmas; but it was better than the bloody cardigan my aunt sent me.
It’s the same every year, millions of electronic gadgets are thrust into eager, grabbing hands on Xmas morning; and a fair percentage of them are junk before lunchtime. After the holidays there is a rush to the shops and service centres to complain that little Timmy’s toy should not have stopped bleeping, and Uncle Marty only spilled a small amount of cheap sherry into the workings.
It was with this in mind that I decided to take some photographic gear to Canon in Bangkok today, before they are swamped with the inevitable boxes of buggered gear that are given as presents for New Year.
First, a cultural note. Thais do not celebrate Xmas. It is not a public holiday. Of course this has not stopped the fake snow, the cardboard sleigh and reindeer, the bloody awful songs, and all the other commercial trappings; but this has been morphed into linking with New Year when Thais do give each other presents (even though the real Thai new year is in April). After several years of working on Xmas day, I have rather given up on the whole occasion. And with she who must be obeyed in the office today, it seemed as good a day as any to venture to the Canon service centre in Bangkok.
The reason for my trip was to present them with the camera gear that had been in my car on the day it barrel-rolled down the highway. One lens had since refused to produce sharp images, and the other had produced photos that looked like this:
Well, you might say,, not a great photo, rather poor composition, but you can’t blame the lens for that Mr. Spike. Look closer. The man’s face is in focus, but as you move down his body, it goes out of focus; but the leg of the man standing behind him is in focus. Something is wrong here.
After many test shots and much pondering, I discovered that a piece of metal where the lens attaches to the body was slightly distorted, putting the lens at a slight angle and producing these strange effects. Using my favourite precision instrument (a hammer), I reduced the distortion; but thought it best to let Canon check it over properly (they will probably use a Canon certified hammer). And I also gave them the camera body to check out; seems to have survived the impact OK, but you never know.
So I marched into the Canon service centre and emptied the contents of my camera bag onto the counter. “Two months ago I brought this lens to you for calibration”, was my opening sentence, and you could see them shrinking back; another crazy foreigner who is going to bitch and complain. “And then on the way back home from Bangkok, I did this to my car”, and I showed them a photo of the wreckage as they considered whether this story was going somewhere or if I was just mad.
Once they had ascertained that I just wanted the gear checking as a result of the accident and I was prepared to pay for them to do it, they came over all efficient. Whether they will be efficient enough to finish the work before they close for the new year holidays next week remains to be seen.
Drove home over the road where I had had my mega-crash. It was a strange feeling and a little disquieting. Went for a not at all festive Japanese dinner with she who must be obeyed. Now I think I will have a Christmas drink and find something electronic to spill it over. Some traditions must be maintained. Cheers!