When you buy a Mac, you get the machine and a very small cardboard container in which you will find a recovery disk and a couple of stickers. No manual; the inference being that if you are smart enough to buy a Mac, you are smart enough to learn how to use it. The other inference might be that Apple are tight bastards who are just saving costs, and you will have to spend your own money to go out and buy a 893 page guide to the operating system. At least, that is what someone I know did.
But when it comes to a truck, how much guidance do you actually need? A single piece of paper taped to the driver’s door with the instruction “get in, insert and turn key, drive it” is probably overkill. But Mitsubishi have seen fit to produce a 360 page tome to explain the workings of their essentially simple machine.
There is an entire page dedicated to the use of the horn. There is a picture of the steering wheel, with an arrow pointing to the horn symbol in the middle. Then the instructions; “Pressing the horn mark on the steering wheel causes the horn to sound.” No shit, Einstein, and there I was punching the interior light switch (which gets two pages of explanation).
Next there is some advice on the airbags. There are several pages of warnings and cautions regarding these apparently potentially lethal devices, culminating with a graphic showing that you should not put a mug of hot tea on top of the passenger side airbag.
This would be dangerous if the airbag was triggered. No mention of the fact that it would also be dangerous if the airbag didn’t trigger, as the first hint of acceleration would dump the scalding contents over the legs of the passenger.
Anyway, not something I need to worry about because my truck does not have a passenger-side airbag, neither does it have many other features which are explained in glowing terms and at length in the manual. The only reason I opened the monster book was to help me fathom out how to operate the entertainment system which continues to show me the latest episode of “Have I Got News For You” when I am trying to listen to a Placebo compilation instead (note to Billy: Placebo are a popular music combo which formed after the 1980s so you will not have heard of them). Sure enough, although the manual enthusiastically dissects the inner workings of two separate entertainment systems, neither of them are mine.
So I a drive around with Ian Hislop grinning at me, interspersed with messages flashed on the DVD screen telling me that I shouldn’t be watching the screen while driving. And I can find no way of turning it off. Maybe put that cup of tea where the airbag should be and then turn sharp left, depositing hot tea into the internals of the entertainment system. There are probably instructions to this effect somewhere in the manual, but I am currently wading through the seventeen pages dedicated to moving the passenger seat.
Comments 🔗
2008-12-04| mart saysThanks for finally telling me where this bloody horn is! You forgot a word by the way, it should read “Pressing the horn mark on the steering wheel causes the horn to sound mark.”
2008-12-04| Camberley saysIts only 893 pages if you include all 27 pages of the index. And I still don’t know how to use the stickers or that funny piece of black cloth.
2008-12-04| Spike saysThe stickers should be attached to prominent personal items so that people will know you are a man of sophistication.
The piece of black cloth should be draped over your head to hide any bald spots, not that I am saying you have any.
2008-12-04| Camberley saysOnly the one, but I don’t think that cloth will be big enough.
2008-12-04| Billy saysHaving that smug little shit Hislop grinning at you while driving sounds is fate worse than death … sell the car no matter the loss
ps you do me an injustice, of course I know what a placebo is -
Doctor: I’ve got to give you a shot. Do you have private health insurance? Patient: No. Doctor: Nurse, fetch the placebo.