Receive a letter from the company responsible for providing me with my pension.
The receipt of such a letter requires some clarification for the dear readers of this mighty organ. Clearly I am too young, too vibrant and, let’s be honest, too damn good looking to be of pensionable age. However, some years ago my employer wanted me to do a particular job for them which involved selling the company for which I was currently working. They seemed pretty keen that I do this job and were therefore willing to let me name my terms as to what would happen after it was finished. My response was immediate and included words such a redundancy, early retirement, golden handshake and pension. And so it came to pass that I was cast out upon the streets of Bangkok; a jobless pensioner with a smile on his face and a payoff in his pocket. Lovely.
The subject of the letter is the global financial crisis credit crunch meltdown shock horror probe bollocks. Apparently I may be worrying about the financial robustness of my pension fund, so they were writing to tell me that it remains well funded and well managed. Actually, I wasn’t worrying. The company behind the fund has more cash than it knows what to do with, and several readers of Pattaya Days are current employees who I know would sacrifice part of their salary if required, to ensure that my pension remains firmly supported for the remainder of my life, and then supports she who must be obeyed with regular funds for handbags until she too passes on. Thank you, you sad worker drones dear friends.
As for the well managed bit, I am not so sure. The chairman of the fund is someone whom I recall as a bit if of a shit in his working life and now, when not sending comforting letters to me, runs an evangelical christian charity which spends money fighting spiritual poverty (i.e. stop believing what you believe and start believing what we believe). Is this the sort of man I want looking after my money? No.
I am invited to contact my Pensioner Liaison Representative if I have any concerns. I think I will complain about the evangelical leanings of my pension fund chairman, but then I realise I have no idea as to the identity of my Pensioner Liaison Representative. Oh well, never mind, just keep sending me the cash.
Comments 🔗
2008-11-13| Billy saysWe demand you name names … the Great Pecten web searcher tool is crap ….
2008-11-13| Spike saysShouldn’t you be working?
Evil C. Rathem
Anagrammatically speaking.
2008-11-13| Camberley saysLet’s hope he has as much effect on the pension fund as he had on…? what was it he did again?
2008-11-13| Camberley saysBy the way - you only need the British Indian Ocean Territory and Haiti and you have a line. Or Iceland Jordan and Kenya. What happens if you get a full house?
2008-11-13| Billy saysHate to be a pedant but he is also short of Kenya on that second line ….
2008-11-13| Billy saysAh, shit … forget it, you had mentioned the bloody thing … even if you forget it, however, Spike will not … shit
2008-11-14| Spike saysPedantically incorrect, how delightful; and how typical.
I e-mailed a school in Haiti following: http://www.pattayadays.com/?s=bingo
But still no visitors. Fancy popping over to Haiti and trying to find an internet cafe?
2008-11-14| Camberley saysWhat makes you think I will forget?
2008-11-14| Billy saysHave dispatched Her Indoors over to Indonesia to ensure that the “Merah Putih” gets illuminated, which it now is, anyway getting to the point, the travel budget is exhausted for the year. St Kitts and Nevis anyone?
2008-11-14| Billy saysEver the pedant, as advertised, I have to point out that my words were “even if you forget it” …this form of words does not indicate my thinking you would forget, probably the opposite in fact :-)
2008-11-14| Billy saysps forget that too :-(