First day out of ICU and I am introduced to a device that is to be my torturer and mobility saver for the next couple of months. An alloy bar with pad designed to press against the middle of my chest, exactly where my chest has been turned to blue-black mush and is most tender, another bar to do the same at the bottom of my torso, and a strap round the back which must be tightened so that I cannot possibly bend my spine in a forward direction. Necessary, but bloody uncomfortable.
Then I am told how to elevate myself into a sitting position while keeping my legs aligned with my body. Possible, but tiring, and I lie back exhausted, looking forward to the wandering band of nursing nymphets who will pass my way shortly, offering the Thai nursing version of the bed bath; featuring soapy gloves and unnecessary but welcome extra-cleaning around the genital areas. No such luck.
Now we will teach you ze walking, they say, perhaps in a slightly less Germanic twang than I imply. Walking? My back is in agony, I am exhausted and my testicles need a good clean; this is no time for walking. And indeed it isn’t. By the time I manoeuvre myself to the edge of the bed, I am a sweaty aching mess and it is mutually agreed there will be no walking today. But I understand the approach. It would be so easy to lie there all day, wallowing in self-pity while your body gradually loses interest in doing the things it used to do. So they push you; and on the second day I could stand and by the third I could take small steps. Within a week I will performing somersaults, which will be quite a trick as I have never done them before.
Comments 🔗
2008-10-30| todd sayswhat hospital did you end up in, somewhere in pattaya or bangkok?
get well soon….
2008-10-30| Billy saysWe demand photos of the torture - SWMBO will surely oblige …. and don’t be too anal about the exposure (of the photo that is) …
2008-10-30| Billy saystotally out of character, the bit about your chest brought about pangs of deep sympathy …. tried to put mine through the steering wheel of a go-cart a couple of years back and had months of pain and crap sleep as a result … I could never find a comfortable position to sleep in …
2008-10-31| Spike saysBangkok Pattaya Hospital.
Chest injuries are fun. Screwed my ribs on a number of occasions while windsurfing. Best bit is when you cough…
2008-11-03| Billy saysah, yes, the coughing, even the slightest one … torture, thanks for bringing back the memory :-(
2008-11-05| Savoy Brown saysI broke 2 ribs and separated 4 or 5 more in a karting incident earlier this year… Yes, coughing is the worst torture… Friends would see me wince in pain and ask, “does it hurt” and I would respond “only when I breath”… Went on for months…
Thai nurses with a german accent… Hmm, kinky…
Get well soon…
2008-11-05| Billy saysThere is something seriously wrong with this site, seeming, as it does, to attract only decent, amusing people with no apparent hang ups … do you perhaps edit out all the “yo, dudes”? (apart from me of course)
2008-11-06| Spike saysSavoy Brown, I find 3 months, minimum, are required for rib recovery. Made even more enjoyable with a tight strap across the chest.
Billy, Stoked by your comments dude. Keep it real.