Never been in an intensive care unit, but I imagined them to be quiet, clinical places with blinking lights, sober-faced doctors with clip boards and an atmosphere of professional intensity. Not in Thailand.
A central area contains a fluxing morass of personnel who appear to be indulging in a continual party involving the extensive use of handphones and much giggling. Radiating around the central area are the ICU rooms, where those who need intensive care, including me apparently, attempt to rest. Not easy.
Apart from the ICU party going on outside the room, we are treated to regular visits from nurses to check various vital signs. Every couple of hours a cleaner arrives to mop the floor, just in case I have managed to make it dirty. My room features the added attraction of a store cupboard which needs to be accessed every few minutes, presumably it contains ICU party supplies, and a lower shelf houses a stack of periodicals which might be copies of The Lancet but looks from a distance to be a collection of gay porn.
I was expecting to be provided with an electronic button to press should I need immediate assistance, standard issue at every hospital. Not here. Instead they flourish a tiny plastic bell on a piece of string, presumably ejected from a cracker at the party, tie it to my bed, and tell me to “ring it if you need a pee-pee”. Presumably the logic was that I was sufficiently wired up to machines that would sound an alert if my heart stopped beating; but when it comes to announcing when you need to piss, there is no substitute for human interaction with a small plastic bell.
It is therefore of some considerable relief, from both a medical and need to sleep standpoint, that I am released from the ICU after one night and placed in a room with lovely sea views which I can’t see cos I am flat on my back. And it had a proper bell to push for assistance.
To be continued…
Comments 🔗
2008-10-30| Billy saysPlease, more detail on the “pee-pee” thing and in particular the exact role of the nurse in effecting the deal …..
2008-10-31| Spike saysYou sad, sick man.
2008-10-31| Jock saysCome on Spike - you’re the one that’s sick.
Billy and I have shared a love of nurses since Carry On Doctor so a photo of said nurse would be in order.
2008-11-01| Spike saysOne of the first thing you will notice if you inspect an intensive care unit is that none of the patients have been issued with cameras….