Pussy love

I normally rise with she who must be obeyed in order that I can throw her out of the door and send her off to work to earn the money to fund my gadget requirements, but this morning I failed to hear the alarm, her extensive splashing in the bathroom, or the banging of the cupboards as she works her way through a selection of outfits before deciding which she will wear for the day. First thing I am aware of is a kiss on the cheek which I acknowledge with a grunt which is meant to sound affectionate but probably just sounds like a grunt.

Rising later, I discover she has mailed me a couple of shots she has taken of my almost perfect leg, to which, as usual, is attached a pussy.

The cats have a ritual. They sleep all day, unless we are doing something they can interfere with, then gradually come to life during the evening. Once we go to bed they decide that they are now fully awake and spent a couple of hours rampaging round the house, occasionally diverting into the bedroom to ricochet off a convenient head, just to ensure we are involved. Once the rampaging is complete, they come to sleep. One curls up on the corner of the bed, the other curls up on me. Specifically she jams herself into my legs. If I am vaguely awake in the night and aware of shifting my position, I am conscious of a slight cat-sigh of disgruntlement at the interruption, then a minute later she will re-jam herself into the new position. If a leg becomes uncovered at some point, like this morning, then it soon occupied by cat.

Why do I tolerate this? I have no choice. As soon as you allow cats in the house, you become staff; responsible for feeding, the provision of entertainment and to serve as bedding as required. It’s the price you pay for pussy love.

Comments 🔗

2008-08-23 | A Vet says

A Vetinary Speaks

Dear Mr Spike,

I shall avoid the obvious comment that pussies always look best when attached to legs and instead tell you that your cats behaviour is perfectly normal, though you might consider putting them on sedatives if they run up the curtains more than twice a day.

A. Vet

2008-08-24 | Spike says

Dear Mr. A. Vet Thank you for your advice. We have only needed to completely replace the curtains once in the last two years so I think that sedatives are not required. Perhaps a small bore rifle?

2008-08-24 | Jock says

Attention grabbing headline !!!

However by the end of the post I was as awake as the cats.

More pussy please … doesn’t matter one iota if it is disguised as a Japanese Pit Girl.

2008-08-24 | François says

Hello Mr Vet I have a red-orange goldfish that I received from my Thai girlfriend but I don’t know if it is a Thai goldfish. He looks healthy but also looks very sad when I go to work and sometimes he does not eat at all untill I am back. What can I do? Is it a good idea to buy a bigger bowl? Or maybe I can switch on the TV before going to work? Thank you for your help.

2008-08-24 | Spike says

Fry it for breakfast. But don’t tell your girlfriend. Not. A. Vet.

2008-08-24 | A Vet says

It has been brought to my attention that there are people going about posting in my name and therefore mazquerading as a veterinerian (eh?-ED). I should inform you that this is a pretty serious offence in most jusrisdinctions and I implore you to decease (maybe that is desist - ED).

Turning to François’ red-orange goldfish, I have to tell you that random chance has struck and Spike was very nearly correct in that you should indeed fry it for breakfast, however, you should, as every real vet knows, do this in a garlic oil and serve with a lightly tossed green salad.

A. Vet BA (Hons.)Leonardtown, FRCVS, MiGF

2008-08-24 | Spike says

BA=Bugger All?

2008-08-24 | A Vet says

As for your cats, same thing but serve with french fries rather than the salad.

2008-08-24 | mart says

Billy - Are these comments examples of how subtle English humour can be?

2008-08-24 | Billy says

Ah, Mart, I can tell that you are still stinging from my unfortunate choice of words over Echborn’s continuing love affair with PD.

I unreservedly withdraw them and will in future use a pseudonym whenever I get the uncontrollable urge to take the piss.

PS on the other hand, it wasn’t me it was that Vet guy, right?

2008-08-25 | mart says

How come you could withdraw your comment? I’ve written my fair share of nonsense on this blog but still have to account for it… How unfair! Spike, that’s cronyism of the worst kind, I’m scandalised!

2008-08-26 | Spike says

Scandal is what we are aiming for, it’s good for the viewing figures.