It was at my wedding that I discovered that she who must be obeyed has a massive family. Seems like it was a bit of a surprise to her too. I would be introduced to Auntie Nong, and when Auntie Nong had drifted away in the general direction of the food I would ask my new wife “who is Auntie Nong?” She had no idea, had seen her a couple of times but did not know where she fitted into the family tree, if at all. Clearly the concept of family in Thailand is fluid, hang around long enough and you can be an Auntie or an Uncle and will then be invited to family gathering where you can eat and drink too much and talk on your mobile phone at a high volume throughout the proceedings.
Over the years there have been occasions when I have met with various family members. I am told in advance who they are. “Khun X is married to Khun Y who is the second sister of Khun Z who was friends with my father’s brother’s niece.” I let all this wash over me and just give them a smile, realising I will never understand exactly where they fit in the family hierarchy. In some cases I suspect she who must be obeyed doesn’t know either, she just invents a complicated story which I will not have the energy to query.
Thankfully we rarely have family visits. Thankfully, not because any of her family are less than charming, but because my total lack of Thai language skills means I am left sitting like a dummy while everyone else has a good chat and laughs a lot. I’m useless. But when we do have visits, I have learned it is best not to try and get involved in the organisation of the visit; I just let her get on with it and turn up and do the smiling/sitting like a dummy act when required. Then if (when) everything goes pear-shaped, it’s not my fault. I may be useless, but I’m a natural leader.
Last weekend we were to be descended upon by eight family members and a driver, in a van. The plan was that five women would stay in our spare room and three men in a nearby hotel. Apparently the driver would live in the van. In my less experienced days I would have queried how on earth we were going to fit five people into a room with one bed. But this would just lead to arguments, ructions and repercussions, all of which I can do without. So I agreed enthusiastically and in due course reason prevailed and they were all booked to stay in the hotel, including the driver. In such cases it is important not to indulge in “I told you so” gloating; or at least not until the occasion has passed and there is no chance of five women being moved back into your spare room as a form of revenge. You live and you learn.
With the sleeping arrangements sorted, it was a pleasant enough weekend, mainly because I did not have to be involved in it too much. They went on the beach and into the sea and I took a few photos. This one is of an Auntie who lives in Germany with her daughter who is half German and they have not been back to Thailand for twelve years. Amazing the facts I can absorb.
And this is she who must be obeyed with assorted relatives, playing the popular game of “whose sandals are these?”
After the beach we took them for a seafood dinner, and on Sunday there was lunch before they headed home; at which point there was much wai-ing and thanks to me, presumably for doing an excellent sitting like a dummy act; and maybe also for paying for the food. During the weekend, my mother-in-law, who seems to care about me more than I deserve, called up twice to ensure that I was not being made unhappy by the invasion. She who must be obeyed was also most appreciative that I did not become grumpy at any stage and rewarded me by taking me for a coffee and giving me a big cuddle. I may be useless, but I know how to minimise my involvement in family gatherings and still come out on top.