I learned to windsurf twenty years ago. It took me three months of bloody swearing, bloodied knees and wounded pride to get to the point where I could sail away from the beach and return to the same point without invoking the assistance of the rescue services. Since then I have progressed little beyond the skill level of enthusiastic amateur; but i do remain enthusiastic and I rely on windsurfing to keep me reasonably fit and there is no better way of blowing away the blues than getting out on the water on a windy day.
I did think I would also like surfing. Then I read a book about surfing in Hawaii and the doctor stationed on the beach was asked about the unusual injuries he had to treat. His favourite story was of the man who emerged from the water with his broken board in one hand and a testicle in the other. Now I don’t know about you, but I prefer sports that don’t involve a risk of castration, it’s dangerous enough having a Thai wife.
I used to watch kite boarding when I lived in Holland. I saw a learner being lifted out of the sea and slammed into the side of a hotel. Not so much fun for the learner ‘cos he died and I expect his relatives had to pay to have the hotel wall re-painted. Castration or being slammed against a wall? The agony of choice.
So I have stuck to windsurfing. Three cracked ribs and more bruises than I can remember over the years, but I am still here and my genitals are intact, or at least they were last time I looked sometime last week.
But now there is another sport that is creeping up in popularity: SUP which I am told stands for stand-up paddleboarding. Started in Hawaii (where did you expect, Berlin?) many years ago, it is now mainstream and our local club has them lying on beach waiting for someone to come along and try them out.
A SUP is a big board which you can use for a variety of purposes. Firstly, as the name suggests, you can paddle it. If you live in Hawaii and have plenty of balls (so don’t go surfing first), you can paddle down a big wave:
If you live in Pattaya you can paddle in smaller waves, but big enough for most of us:
Alternatively you can forget about the paddle and just use it as a surfboard:
Or you can stick a sail on it and use it as a windsurfing surfboard:
And if none of that appeals to you, you can nail four pieces of wood to it and use it as a table (no photo available).
I have avoided the SUP option because, to be honest, paddling about looks like hard work; and if I wanted hard work I would get a job. But today there was no wind and no escape when Craig (doing the crashing through the wave with a sail thing above) suggested it would be a good time for me to have a go. So I did.
He did warn me that the first few minutes would be difficult, and they were. Fortunately there was nobody around with a camera, but my first attempts looked something like these shots I took when I had a camera:
But after a while my ancient body started to learn what was required, and after a rest I went out again and managed to paddle out a little way and get myself back again. I was feeling quite pleased with myself, until one of the local dogs jumped on a board and showed how easy it was:
Yeah, well, if I had four legs I could do it too. Anyway, the dog fell off so that made me feel a little better.
SUP, good fun, good exercise, and your genitals will not be in danger. That’s more than you can say about most activities in Pattaya. Come down and try it for yourself.
Comments 🔗
2008-06-17| Billy saysQuite possibly your funniest post to date. Hold on to them.
2008-06-18| Spike saysAll true too, even the testicle in hand story. Ugh.