In my previous life I had a wife, three children and one toilet. This resulted in queues, animosity and strained bladders. It was certainly not a situation which facilitated the establishment of a quiet zone where father could escape to read the daily paper in peace.
Now I have a wife, two cats, and three toilets (plus some additional feline crapping facilities out the back which don’t really count. Although, after a few beers, in an emergency…). The excess of toilets means that there is always somewhere I can go to ponder the world, or indeed more likely, browse the world.
When I moved into my condo, one of the priority installs was a wi-fi service. I had visions of sitting on the balcony sending “you’re working, I’m not. Ha!” e-mails to my friends while enjoying my sea view. The reality was that it was always too bright, or too windy, or too wet, to enjoy my laptop out there; but the toilet turned out to be an excellent spot to sit and send “you’re working, I’m on the toilet. Now wash your hands” e-mails to my bemused friends.
In the last year, the laptop has been superceded as the toilet companion of choice by the iPhone. My wife is similarly equipped and we disappear into the toilet of our choice in the morning to check our mails, browse the news, and occasionally use the toilet for the purpose for which it was designed. We then shower and meet for breakfast, refreshed and up to date with the world. The cats wander in and out of each toilet during the process, just to check that we are not doing anything interesting that they could disrupt, so they are satisfied that they have been fully involved and are also now ready for breakfast. Such a civilised life.
The best toilet has extensive magazine storage facilities, good lighting and a strong extraction fan (not required for me of course). It also has a broken seat which means that your bum gets pinched every time you sit on it. My wife has been yelping for months, my response has always been that, if she had a smaller bum, it wouldn’t pinch so hard. Eventually I gave in and set out to find a replacement. This turned out to be easier than expected. I had had visions of trailing round shopping malls, used toilet seat in hand, waving it at shop assistants and asking “do you have one of these?” But I found an American Standard shop on Sukhumvit road, gave them the number printed on the seat, and they promised to get one for me within two weeks. Ten days later the call came and this morning I returned home triumphant with the new seat. Removing the old seat turned out to be a lot more difficult than expected. There were two rubber bushes hidden away under the unit which had to be held in place while the screws on the top were removed. This could only be done by lying on the floor in a contorted position; an act not aided by the fact that my windsurfing crash of yesterday had resulted in a leg of many colours, none of which relished being pressed againt hard surfaces. One sweaty, frustrating hour later and it was done. It would have been done a little quicker if the cat who had decided to supervise my work had not slipped and fallen into the bowl in the middle of the job.
I celebrated by finishing “A Thousand Splendid Suns”. Marvellous book, I will admit to some tears at the end, and I couldn’t blame a bum-nipping toilet seat.
Comments 🔗
2010-03-10| Cameron Kapa saysBeen to Phuket twice now, first time was in June 1999, then back at Christmas 2009. What a great holiday place! It caters for everyone: if your looking for neighborly Thai people there is plenty of them, if your looking for better off food there is a great deal and night life is amazing. If you want a low-priced vacation, you can have it - if you need a pricey vacation, you can have it as well. My girlfriend is totally in love with the place and has just bought into a massage shop over there. My kids love it too. What a fantastic place to celebrate Christmas!
2010-03-10| Billy saysStruggling to find any connection between the post and the response above, so;
Been to Liverpool twice now, first time was in 1951 for twenty four years, then back at Christmas 2009. What a great holiday place! They nick your car but there are plenty of MacDonalds and the night life is amazing though a knife resistant vest is recommended. And if you want a pricey vacation then they are very willing to overcharge you plenty. My kids love it too, though they have all left it has to be said. What a fantastic place to celebrate Passover! ©1843 Liverpool Tourist Board
2010-03-11| Spike saysLiverpool sounds preferable to Phuket.
Perhaps Mr. Krapa’s offering lost something after I removed all the advertising links from his comment.