Guns don’t kill people, video games do; or so the half-witted, mean-spirited, moralising, conservative pressure groups in the USA would have us believe. The Grand Theft Auto series has always been their favourite target because the game gives the player the freedom to behave badly, like not going to church or saying “golly gosh, I just ran you over, motherfucker.”
The in-game internet bravely tackles the issue by confirming that 40% of all deaths in America are as a result of playing video games:
Even more shockingly, copycat incidents are now being recorded on the streets of Pattaya. In GTA you shoot a lot of nasty gangsters. Yesterday, a nasty gangster was gunned down in Pattaya. He was a nasty gangster because the police said so, and they had a long list of nasty things he had done; but no clear reason why he had not already been locked up. No matter, now he is dead. He was visiting his girlfriend at a laundry when the gunman opened up on him, and “he had one shot to the right side of his head, one to his heart, one to his left hand and another one to his stomach. In addition, there were bullet holes in the washing machine in front of the laundry shop.” I wonder if the washing machine is still seviceable? The police were right onto the case and “attributed the killing to the deceased’s involvement in a sexual affair, vengeance or a drugs deal.” That narrows the field then.
Equally as shocking, and considerably more amusing, is the case of Grand Theft Firetruck.
Mr. Sitiphol had obviously been having a bad day and decided to vent his frustrations by waving a stick outside a local police station. One of the cops was awoken from his slumber and came out from the station muttering the Thai equivalent of “ello, ello ,ello, what’s all this then?”, and then chased the stick waving man away. Mr.Sitiphol then made his way to the nearby fire station and decided to steal a fire truck.
As the truck was ready for an emergency call, the keys were in the ignition so it was easy to steal. However, being a Thai fire truck, the gears were faulty, and Mr. Sitipol only made 500 metres of progress before bouncing off a car and stuffing the fire truck into a tree. He was injured in the accident; and then several locals, who objected to someone driving stolen fire trucks in their neigbourhoood, beat him up a little more.
Mr. Sitiphol explained that he had stolen the fire truck because he wanted to be on TV and in the newspapers (and Pattaya Days). He failed to mention that he was encouraged to steal the truck after playing Grand Theft Auto; but we know the truth.