The concept of “face” is an important aspect of Asian cultures, and it is certainly something you have to manage when you live in Thailand. Make someone else lose face and you can gain an enemy; lose face yourself and you lose respect. The Thais, being the hospitable people that they are, do their best to make sure you don’t lose face; and this can lead to some embarrassing situations if you are not aware what is happening.
My first exposure to this was more than twenty years ago in Brunei. I was flown in, my first trip to Asia, to run a three day training course. It went really well, or at least so it seemed. Every hour or so I asked whether everyone understood and the answer was always “yes.”
At the end of the three days I gave them a series of exercises to do and it became clear that I had failed to teach them a bloody thing. But if they had told me, they would have lost face for not learning, and I would have lost face for being a crap teacher. So everyone smiled and nobody learned anything; apart from me who learned you never take “yes” for an answer in Asia.
And so to Thailand where I have been spectacularly useless at learning the language, a fact which causes me endless guilt. So my dealings with my host country have to be conducted in English and I have learned on many occasions that when you ask someone something and they say “yes”, more often than not that means that they have no idea what you just said, but that saying “yes” and smiling will certainly be the most face-saving response all round, and maybe will be enough to make you just go away.
So I was on my guard when I made a call to my insurance company today. I only have about five bills a month to pay, it really is very simple. But in spite of the inherent simplicity, I invariably manage to cock things up. In this case I was sure I had somehow managed to pay my motor insurance last month, but I had no record of doing so. There was no way out, I had to have a conversation; and it went like this:
Me:* Sawadee krap* (I always start with one of my few Thai expressions, just to throw them off guard). Is that the XYZ insurance company.
Yes
I would like to check whether you have received payment for my car insurance renewal?
Yes But wait, there’s a difference. The first yes was confident, affirmative and came from someone who was quite sure I was indeed calling the XYZ insurance company. The second yes was delivered after too long a pause and was said in the manner of someone who has just been given a sealed box and was being asked whether they wanted to open it; and they suspected it just may be full of poo. Time for a re-confirmation question. So, you have definitely received my payment?
What’s your fax number?
Aha, the usual tactic. If “yes” doesn’t work, offer back a question of your own. Why do you want my fax number?
Silence… followed by: * hold the line please*
And so to the next popular tactic, get rid of the person you don’t understand and pass him on to someone else.
After a minute or so of depressing jingles, a new voice:
Hello sir, how can I help you?
Speaking slowly and with some restraint: I would like to check whether you have received payment for my car insurance renewal.
Pause… Yes. What’s your fax number?
Please, I just want to know if you have received the payment.
Yes
So, you really have received the payment?
*Yes *
pause No
Thank you, I will send you a cheque immediately.
They were just trying to be nice, and I really should speak the language; but you can see why I try to avoid phone conversations.