Might as well face it, you're addicted to internet

It has been brought to my attention that I may be mentally deranged. Of course my wife has been telling me this ever since I agreed to marry her, but the latest warning comes from a more professional source, The American Journal of Psychiatry. According to Dr. Jerald J. Block, there are several symptoms of internet addiction: a sense of anger or depression when users cannot reach a computer, the constant need for better equipment and the feeling of social isolation. Block then goes on to tell us that internet addiction is one of the most serious public health issues in South Korea. Well done South Korea I say. A burning need to access the internet must be less socially disruptive than a burning need to continuously drink alcohol or stick needles in your arm; or play golf. Anyway, I declare myself addicted. I really do need to be near some form of internet access at all times. Indeed I read the article about internet access via my iPhone web browser while sitting on the toilet. You probably didn’t want to know that, but it is an indication of the level of my addiction. I also use my iPhone to trawl the web while pushing a trolley around the supermarket while my wife loads up on pointless groceries. I will also admit to a constant need for better equipment. If we didn’t buy all those stupid groceries I could buy a quicker computer. As for social isolation, I always blamed that on my body odours, unusual facial hair and the tendency to break wind frequently; but now I know it is just because I access the internet too much. So, how can I get help? Apparently I should visit www.netaddiction.com. This proposal equates to a plan to hold meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous in the main bar of your local pub. I suppose I am doomed. Anyway, got to go to the toilet with my iPhone now; I promise to wash my hands.