Apparently it’s Easter. That fine pagan tradition involving rabbits and chocolate eggs, latterly hijacked by a certain Mr. J. who did a not very convincing ‘back from the dead’ trick which is now celebrated with almost religious enthusiasm by certain sections of the population. Personally I will always support the version that promises the most chocolate. For the poor suckers who are still locked into the drudgery of employment, the important thing about Easter is that it is a HOLIDAY.
The UK offers a paltry eight days a year of public holidays, half of which are related to the festival of chocolate eggs and the festival of fat men coming down chimneys (also claimed by Mr. J. as his birthday). For a country that claims to be a multi-cultural, secular melting pot; this is pathetic. If you want to maximise your holidays, go work in Malaysia.
Malaysia clearly has a mix of cultures. The Muslim Malays wield the political power, the Chinese earn all the cash, and the Indians glower in the corner and claim intellectual superiority. Throw in an assortment of other races and beliefs and you have a real jumble of people; and they all want holidays. And they get them. Work in Malaysia and you will be rewarded with nineteen days of public holidays. Add in your company holidays, create some sick leave, and you spend very few days in the year actually working; which is how it should be. You will get the Mr. J. holidays, the Muslim, Chinese and Indian holidays, and an assortment of national holidays just to make up the numbers. There are so many, you lose track of why you are actually on holiday; but who cares, as long as you can sit in a comfy chair watching TV and eating snacks instead of sitting in an office.
Apart from the obvious plus of working less, all these public holidays have another benefit; they break down cultural barriers. Take the Muslim holiday at the end of their fasting month. First of all, you acquire a natural, warm fuzzy feeling towards the Muslim community for having a long holiday which you can enjoy without having gone through any of the fasting to earn it. Then your Muslim acquaintances will invite you to come and share their post-fasting feast, so you find yourself spending the holiday visiting one house after another and being plied with endless plates of food. Apart from becoming bloated to the point of nausea, this experience will reinforce the realisation that those who support Mr. M. are basically the same as those of us who worship chocolate or Mr. J. They love their families, they worry about their children, they wonder if they can afford a widescreen plasma TV, and they have a tendency to vomit if they eat too much. Like the rest of us, they have no time for the shitheads who have hijacked their religion for political purposes.
Whatever your personal beliefs, most of us have the same basic desires and needs. If we could all understand this, the world would be a happier place; and the solution is more public holidays. Join the movement: More holidays towards world peace! There will be T-Shirts (“Less work, more love”). For a start I proclaim November 11th as a public holiday in the UK in celebration of Poland’s Independence.
Naturally I expect to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for this wonderful initiative. However, right now I would gladly swap this for a couriered box of Cadbury’s Cream Eggs. Thank you and Happy Easter.